View Fae The Redside - Aberdonia 4 (FOUR...Yes, FOUR) Danish Bacon 0

Last updated : 21 December 2007 By Stand Free Ed
So chiels, foo's the heid 'is mornin' like?

A Torry Holiday the day is it? Or like me are ye suffering wi a hoorin case o' i' Torry 'Flu? Tae steal a line fae Frunkie Valli: 'Oh what a night!'

Do ye really need me to go over what happened last night…och sod it, ah'm gaun tae onyways!

Left work in Dyce about quarter tae five and fer once the bus was on time(ish), however despite being picked up at 10 tae five on the Kirkhill, by 20 tae six we'd reached the Airport Thistle Hotel…approximately half a mile in 40 minutes (3000 word rant on Aberdonia's transport infrastructure deleted). Anyway by the time I got back into toon it was well past six and the sacred 'drinkin windae' was shrinking exponentially.

Onyways, nae tae bore ye wi any mair o ma travel woes, it was by seven afore I hooked up wi Cuervo in the Bobbin only tae discover RedLineRed, CobraBora and co were, shall we say, 'well lubricated'…RLR's comment about 'being joined by a local celebrity', given my lack of nicotine and bevvy coupled wi ma frustration at First Bus almost ended up wi his head being separated fae his shoulders.

It was standing room only dans le Bobbin so after quickly sluggin some Irish apple juice, masel and Cuerv decide tae adjourn to a Golf Club.

It was then we saw her…the Auld Lady o Pittodrie Street in picture perfect profile…her floodlights on, capturing the rising steam off the punters, the drone o' those horns and anticipatory buzz o' the crowd. She may be an outdated auld thing coming to the end of her life but my god….she looked so beautiful.

So, Pittodrie on a big European night - WYOWN?

A definite f*ck aye fae this dandy onyways! A few mair slugs of Irish apple juice wi rum chasers for Dutch courage in the Bon Accord and we entered her (fnar fnar), the briefs (sourced fae RedShepherd…a thousand thanks chiel) said Section V…but we took our usual perch on the steps o' the 'Y' and were joined by Alfrom and CP fae Stoney who was walking wi a stick after some shinanigans in the Ukraine…he's obviously become a bitty braver since he hid in his ma's garage when he was winching ma sister and I walked roon the corner…nae that I was bothered like...or embarrass him by mentioning it in public every time I see him!

Anyway the first half was…well a non-event really, the main highlight for me being an exchange about Darren Mackie:

'Fits wrang wi Mackie like?'

'Ahm nae sure something to do wi his leg.'

'Aye they've found oot he's got two left eens.'

Well made Cuervo laugh anyway…mind you so does Duncan Norvelle.

Putting on ma pseudo 'kid on I'm Alan Hansen' bit, the Danes were a big strong side and they pushed up and compacted the game. When Aluko and co got the ball there were always four or five Danes in the way and as such we created little and them even less, though Miller did get a dodgy onside call but fluffed a shot that troubled the corner flag rather than Christiansen, who got dogs fae the 'Y' for his brief spell as a Hun benchwarmer (ken as ye do).

Though gie Cuervo his due he did point oot if we got it on the deck wi a bit o pace we'd take something…and how eh!! He's still a hairdying monkey dwarf like but ken sunshine and dogs arses n'at like.

Our half time tactical discussions were still on going when I looked up and Jamie Smith had the ball just outside the area, there was one of those beautiful moments ye get at the fitba when ye go…'Is he? Nah he cannae be!…aye he f*ckin has!!….OH YA F*CKIN BEAUTY!!!'

There was, oh, say a half second delay as abidy around us did a double take before sheer delirium and a hell of a bounce erupted…I must have surfed the crowd for about 15 feet fae where I started, hugging folk I've kent for years and others I'd never seen in ma puff in the rabid way you do in those sort of bounces.

Now I could ham it all up here and say it's better than any drug or sex but that's a cliché…I mean aye better than bad sex and on a different astral plain tae wankin, and come tae think o it some drug highs are better too (should f*ckin be n'aw at £50 a bag) but there really are no words to describe what it feels like to be in a crowd when ye score a goal like that.

Course, being a Red for the past generation has taught us that every high is usually quickly followed by a bastard of a comedown and as Copenhagen began tae sniff around our box for the first time a collective 'f*ck another 45 minutes o this' rose….then we scored again and all doubts evaporated like the Subway Loyal at 4.30…a sweet simple pass fae Miller found Jamie in virtually the same spot and it was two….Hallef*ckinleuyah!

After that we took the piss and the party started…by the time the third came we were laughing and when the fourth went in me, Alfrom and Cuervo were slapping each other just to make sure it wisnae all just a collective dream…actually I had no idea who scored the fourth until this morning and to be honest didnae really care.

The classic Euro standards were ringing out 'Here we go', 'We're all gaun on a European Tour (tae Munich n'aw...ya dancer!) etc etc and then wi about 5 minutes to go something that hasnae been heard in a couple of years at Pittodrie….

'WHOOOAH Jimmy Jimmy

Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Calder-wood'

He deserved it too, none of his players let him down and tactically he got it spot on, in fact truth be told in all our UEFA Cup ties he's got it spot on - it was just prior to last night the players didnae execute. Tango's Tactical Tombola may drive us to distraction in the SPL but in Europe it's worked like a charm.

Strange thing is while the Weegia masturbate furiously over Harry Potter, Sponge Bob Six Pack and Dingus as candidates for the Scotland gig, Calderwood has got a superior record to all of them in recent years yet disnae get mentioned presumably cos looking this far North would make their necks hurt…I mean nae that I actually want Calderwood as Scotland boss - nae cos I want tae keep him, just cos o the mess he'd make with his tombola on the national side.

As for the players…all of them awesome and while were at the sooner we give Zander the armband the better I think it's safe to say now that he's come through the 'sticky' spell all players go through as they go fae 'promising youngster' to 'experience pro' (ye ken the one Consi is currently going through) but there was one natural leader on that park last night and it wisnae Seve. Oh and doesn't Richie Bryne look a more comfortable player at centre-half?

After that the final whistle came to much acclaim, it's a cliché to say the atmosphere never dropped for the full 90 but last night it was true…mostly thanks to those horns. The only quibble being that more players than Zander and Clangers could have saluted the fans and as for the eejit who ran on the park at the end….well 'complete' and 'f*ckwit' just about covers it.

And then it was a walk up the Merkland Road to a soundtrack on Dons standards and a'bidy wi smiles as broader than the Don estuary. A night of bevvy followed starting with a few in the Pitt…met this shady type callin himself BigRedBill…to catch the goals and the look on Dougley 'Sterling' Donnelly's coupon was akin to a bulldog chewin a wasp while someone shoved a cattle prod up its arse…which actually made the result even sweeter.

The Kings, The Prince and Ma's…where we bumped into that rarest of beasts - a Chilean Dons fans (or Chichilian as I described him to RLR…I'd had a few), and finally on tae Espionage (after RLR was kb'd fae O'Feels) afore I decided tae make my way home…but not before the entire nightclub got to it's feet to applaud and salute a certain Willie Miller as he entered….a King soaking up the adulation of his devoted people would be appropriate description.

Last night was one of those great great nights that will be remembered and spoken about by Dons fans for year tae come...So was itthe greatest ever? Well no, but in the Top 5 wi Bayern, Ipswich, Dozsa and Waterschei for the 30-somethings like masel, for the younger eens undoubtedly.

And that was the thing fae last night, as me Cuerv and Alfrom were slapping each other last night I clocked a couple of kids knee high to the proverbial grasshopper - 8 or 9 maybe - having the time of their lives. I'll save ye the 'kids are our future' guff, but give them games against Gretna and the likes and they'll be bored senseless...give them nights like that on a regular basis and they'll be hooked for life...well worked for me, Cuerv, Alrom, RLR - in fact every Dandy I know - and sustained us during the dark days.

And those dark days that have blighted us for a generation finally appear to be receeding and the future is starting to look bright...a new stadium on the way, our debt virtually wiped out, a touch of our Euro pedigree restored and just those damn irritating Pikeys standing between us and a return tae Hampden for the first time in eight long years.

Last night made me immensely proud to be an Aberdonian and a Dons fan...in fact even typing this I can feel it welling up again...well that or last night's Sizzler is making it's way back up.

Just the small matter of the Govan Onanists on Saturday and this may be the best Xmas ever....

All together now...

'Oh we're taking our team over to Munich

Yes we are whooah yes we are....'

STAND FREE etc etc


The Red Avenger