Dunno if you've seen them, but there are flyers on Union Street bearing the legend:
I've lost your number
Now far be it for be me to comment on a relationship I ken nothing about but barring the rookie mistake of providing an entire city wi yer phone number to amuse themselves by phoning up and gaun: 'Sad wank' and other assorted insults, but I'm guessing 'Beth' considers herself to have made a lucky escape as 'Aiden' comes across as the male equivalent of a bunnyboiler fruitloop.
Now theres an analogy in there somewhere about the relation betwixt the Cuprinol Coated Buffoon and the Dons support, but to be honest I cannae be arsed findin it let alone pointing it out.
Anyway I'm sure Phoenix will be along to gie us the astrological future for this pair o starcrossed lovers shortly.
Yep, a rambling unconnected introduction...it can only be the return of the first ever 'Stanley D Free Monthly Preview Type Hingame'...for new readers, it's essentially a...well...preview of the upcoming games in the...er...next month n'at like.
Well we may as well kick off with the trip to the Ukraine mid week. Alas 95% of those who said back in May they'd make the trip regardless of where it was n'at will have to make do wi praying Vouglie Dipond has got his 'Teleprompta Dyslexia' under control...if the potential Bayren draw was the equivalent of a trip to EuroDisney then Dnipro away is the eqivalent of a weekend awa at the Cruden Bay Caravan Park…during offseason and it's raining.
The worst of all possible draws...ie almost certain to lose and not even the glamour or money of drawing one of the bigger teams...as such this brief campaign was always going to be of an 'exploratory' nature, giving us the chance to gain streetsmarts and, let's be honest, unashamed gamesmanship and cheating you need to have in the locker to have a successful UEFA campaign.
So in a way, provided we don't get absolutely trousered in the Ukraine, the campaign will have been a success. After all we put in a credible (if not threatening) performance in the home leg and even if we do take a horsing then it's nae that bad…ok so if we get beat by 4-5 goals then it will hurt aye but once the sting of defeat subsides...
I still maintain getting beat 5-0 by Liverpool was arguably more important than the Bayern and Waterschei victories on the march to that glorious night in the Ullevi quarter of a century ago, as it gave it the players a clear idea of the level required needed to succeed. Same applies here though whether these players have the same hunger to learn and improve as their illustrious predecessors is a moot point.
Prediction: Dnipro 3 Dons 0
Hmm, Dnipro by three I think. Even in the home leg you could see they still had 3-4 gears to go through, and our only real hope lies in the archetypal giant killer performance of somehow fluking a goal with our only real attack and then by fair means or foul somehow keeping them out.
So a 'free game' for Jimmy if ye like - nobody expects anything and anything he does get will go into the credit side of the books. 'Mon 'en ya fat c*nt! Finger oot!
Ok, so nae normally oor bag but Scotland are doing well just now and never let it be said we let a gloryhunting bandwagon go by without at least attempting to chore the hubcaps…especially as, even accounting for club bias, I doubt theres many Dandies who could make a case to convince themselves that any Reds should be in the squad just now never mind the starting eleven based on current form.
Says something about the pessermistic Scottish mentality that there's a belief that things have gone well in the campaign so far…..TOO well if you like, and that it's almost inevitable that we'll find some way in the next 3 games to completely balls it up based on nothing more than the belief that 'It's the Scottish Way'…
Personally I'm reasonably confident, I thought even in Kiev we had the match of them and, who knows, if Wattie had been a bitty…okay, a lot more positive then we would have taken a result.
Let's be honest, take Shevi away and Ukraine wouldnae frighten or worry us any more than say Lithuania or Slovenia would, and we've dealt comfortably with both in recent years.
We need 7 points to guarantee a trip to the Alps next summer and I confidently predict we'll pick up 6 of them this month.
Predictions: Scotland 2 Ukraine 1 and Georgia 0 Scotland 1
Ah the 'chips' to the 'fish'…the bread on which the butter's spread and...errm...many other mangled analogies and metaphors for the routine run o the mill stuff.
Given our start and given what awaits us in November's fixture list then I think that substance takes priority over style in the next month…and we do have 3 of the easier fixtures ye can face.
Aggh the poor man's Patrick Whistle…the fact that this is Hick Dungs favourite 'wee team' should be condemnation enough for anyone.
Incidently any notice Hicko's hatred of AFC and indeed the City of Aberdeen itself seems to have increased noticably since we qualified for Europe….perhaps there is some logic in the observation 'They only hate us when they rate us'.
Anyway cutting through all the vomit-inducing claptrap about affable and lovable Gus…Smurn are a bloody woeful side…Christ, Kirk Broadfoot as their creative force last year says it all.
So it would take a combination of all the following events for them to even have an outside chance of a draw :
- An outbreak in Ebola in Logie Coldstone
- The discovery of a 14-year-old Dundonian virgin
- A Tsunami flattening the Forest o Dinnet
- BigRedBill getting any of his WYOWYN upstairs to his North Sea Court 'Lurve Mansion' on Floor 23….he almost got that blind een but he ran out of Winalot in the lift and that was that…
Okay, maybe if we suffer fae a post-Dnipro hangover and Michael Mockery is the ref then maybe but we should and will win this game by at least two goals.
Prediction: Dons 3 Smurn 1
Caley Thistle (A)
Well if we're gaunnae lose a league game or even points this month I reckon it will be this een. After all we cannae keep our unbeaten streak against Caley going forever. Having said that all 3 of last years games (despite them ALL having last gasp equalisers) should really have been classified as crimes against humanity.
No prizes for guessing the media focus pre-match will be on the return of Brewski…obviously those (was it even) half dozen games being the defining period of his career.
Have a feelin we'll sneak a draw (Lovell 90) in another game of tedium…
Prediction: Caley 1 Dons 1
A massive game obviously marking as it does Yours Truly (Angry Yob)'s return to da Curva Sud after Corpie schmoozin it for the Well and Tims games…yep I'm back mixin it wi you common proles though strangely given their every bloody where nae common Poles…a missed marketing opportunity there by AFC but I'm digressin...
Anyway Falkirk are the team it's okay to patronise…they do play fitba the right way and indeed at least afore Stokes nyaffed off had arguably more flair to their play than the Samba Stars fae Leith..but the good thing is they'll never beat ya (well unless your United in which case they'll open a can o whoop ass on ye).
They've nae beaten us at Pittodrie since 19-fliberty-something - see no reason for that to change this time out either.
Prediction: Dons 2 Falkirk 1
Tin Pot Cuppery Quarter Final vs ICT
The biggest game of the season so far? Couldnae have asked for much more…well okay, Hamilton at home aye I'll give ye that but Caley at home is as good as it gets.
As a kid I used to mind United had a 'Cup Final Hoodoo' (bottling bassas!), the Yams had a 'Semi Final Hoodoo' (bottling bassas!)….so quite what that makes us, a team that seems to have developed a 'Quarter Final Hoodoo' I really dinna want to say.
Okay, so it's the Tin Cup...but hey we've been crying out even for a trip to the Semis and okay so it's a Semi on a freezing cold and wet night at the fag end of January but it's still a bloody Semi and we'll take it. Now I'm supposed to go 'every fan should turn out and back the team to the hilt…blah de blah de blah'.
Look if you're there you'll be making the appropriate noise and effort anyway if yer nae there well...some sad c*nt on an insignificant unofficial website is hardly gona change yer mind is he…though if the club has any sense it will restrict Semi and hopefully give first option on Cup Final tickets who go to the Quarter and earlier rounds.
Prediction: Dons 1 Caley 1 (aet) Dons win 4-2 pens
So there ye go that fit Nostradonus predicts...7 points and back in the pack in the league…Scotland on the brink, us in oor first Semi since just after the millennium dawned…okay so the 'shexy' fitba we want winna be much on show but if we achieve all the above I'll be mair than happy…and who knows, maybees even a miracle in the Ukraine!
Anyway if ye want to leave yer ain predictions or simply call me a baldy arse then please make use of 'Stanley D Free's Message Bordello'….just time for Ed's showstealing insert [aaah, it's good to be back - Ed]…and the usual plug for BTM.
Oh and if these predictions werenae 'cosmic' and 'astral' enogh fer ye then you could also pester Phoenix into doin een for the site...just offer him a rare 'Mothers o Invetion' white label…failing that a half full bag o 'Werthers Originals' and ye never know.
Stand Free n'at
The Red Avenger