The SPL is boring, according to Scott Severin in the sort of tiresome interview you get when players are stalling on signing a new contract. Well, you know how they have 'Bring your child to work' days? I am going to lobby for a 'Bring the captain of yer fitba team to work' day so I can drag our skipper to my office. Then he'll know what boredom is.
Then I'll show him my bank statement. "See that derisory figure here?" I'll say. "The amount roughly equivalent to yer dry cleaning bill? That's how much I'm recompensed for suffering this experience on a daily basis."
Then I'll explain to him how much of that paltry figure I annually squander on a season ticket and sundries to watch him captain my fitba team. Then I'll tell him to get himself back to Pittodrie and either shut up and start acting like a captain, or leave.
PS: I actually really enjoy my job; this is an allegorical article.